The Story of My Face.

Apparently all of you sickos are just interested in the story behind what happened to my face this weekend….

Karma. 

That's what happened. 

(I would, however, like to start by saying; that I believe this dose of karma was a little excessive in comparison to the offense.)

I was super pumped to take Noah ice-skating all week. Believe it or not - skating talent runs in our blood. We had to make the journey out to the Scottsdale Ice Den because it was the only rink with a reasonable public skate time. We arrived around noon and my mom helped Noah lace up his skates. He immediately stood up and started walking like a pro. I thought for sure he would kill it on the ice... I thought wrong. He slipped and slid and didn't really love it at all. I wanted him to enjoy the full experience of gliding across with ice with the cool breeze in his face. I slowly and cautiously skated around with him in my arms a few times.

Legit

Before 'the incident' I prided myself on one thing: I am a really good ice skater. Everything else in my life I have only performed to some level of mediocrity. Figure skating was my thing - and had I possessed any ability to pursue a serious level of competition at the time, I would have.

I was also really excited to post this hipstamatic pic on IG

[Offense] : One of the skate guard kids saw me skating around with Noah. He told me that their safety policies did not allow me to hold my child and skate. I scoffed at the implication that I would or could fall (ME? Fall?? HA!). I got pretty snippy with him and told him he was more than welcome to get my three and a half year old, who was not fond of ice skating, off the ice. I handed him over to the kid. Noah threw a fit and flailed and cried. The kid then told me it was fine to pick him up and carry him off the ice. I was pretty annoyed and needed a break from holding "90-pound-Noah" so we exited the rink for a bit.

Noah wanted to try skating again. I took him out and held his hands and he successfully skated a couple feet. I was a proud mama. He was a proud little boy. He was also exhausted (from those 5 whole minutes of skating). I sat him down with my mom and sister to get his skates off and rest.

I wanted to go out on my own for a little test run- there were only 10 minutes left in the session. I was pretty pleased with myself that I was able to effortlessly complete a few basic tricks. I had forgotten how much I love being on the ice. It was like riding a bike…

[Karma]: Next thing I know I was in an ambulance- an EMT flashing a light in my eyes. They told me I had fallen while ice skating..

I have no idea what happened or how I fell. But I have to believe part of it was the punishment for the way I treated the poor kid working at the rink- who was simply looking out for mine and Noah's safety.

So that's the big story. No triple axel, double toe, camel - sit spin combo. A bystander told my family that I didn't even try to catch myself. I full-on face planted into the ice.

Karma's a you-know-what.